then i found twenty dollars

Have you ever told a story that you thought was hysterical, but just as you finish the punch line all you get is blank stares from your audience? Must have been one of those, "you had to be there" moments.
It happens to me all the time. I'm in the middle of telling my husband about something a co-worker did or said that had everyone in the office practically falling off their desk chairs. Nothing. Silence. He wasn't there.
I have adapted an easy way to take the awkwardness out of a story that falls flat. Just as the plot ends and I know the humor has failed me, I always add, "And then I found twenty dollars." That makes any story better.
Later finding twenty dollars was changed to finding a toothbrush, but that too is a story you wouldn't find the least bit amusing, whereas it makes me laugh just thinking about it.
Here's another story you may or may not find funny.
Sunday afternoon, when the sun was shining and the weather was gorgeous we took our dog for a walk.
Now, this is my husband's dog, which is quite obvious. With a simple "no" or "here," Gus comes trotting toward my husband. I could say the same thing and Gus would continue to eat garbage in the alley or drink from our neighbors bird bath.
This walk was supposed to teach Gus to listen to me as well as he obeys my husband.
We're walking along with no leash, just verbal commands. Gus strays into the road and I say "here."
This time he listens. Being the puppy that he is, he breaks into a run to meet us on the sidewalk. Not paying attention to his footing, he slips in a puddle and ends up tail over tea kettle in the water.
And then I found twenty dollars. Yet again, you weren't there, but trust me it was hysterical.
Here's where the story gets really funny. I really did find twenty dollars! After Gus shook himself off I found a bill floating in the puddle.
Who knew the ending to all of my failed stories would come true someday?

As printed in the DCN Jan. 18